It's safe to say taking a long hiatus from writing on a personal level has not been my smartest move. I've missed this. And you all have missed a lot. I come to you a change woman. A woman who has been through things. Seen a few things. Learned all the things. The musings that will now fill this blog are furthermore written from a woman who has wandered into darkness but is seeing a dim, faint light up ahead. If only she could reach it. To recap 2021: -Wife tells husband that she is no longer happy, feels empty and unloved, and cannot continue to live they way they'd been living. -Husband moves into a Bachelor Pad. -Wife remains in home for a few more months under the guise of husband's agreement to help her get on her feet after 9 year of SAHM-ness. -Landlord on home family rented for 4 years decides to raise the rent. -Husband is not cool with it, backs out of deal to help support. -Wife and kids have to move. -Wife sells damn near everything. -Wife packs up the remainder of their 4-bedroom, 2 attic, much lived in home, moves it into storage. -Wife and kids move into an Extended Stay hotel for 51 days. Dog, turtles, 3 kids. One bedroom hotel. -Wife lands herself 3 jobs to make herself financially independent after relying on credit cards to make it. -Wife gets her own 2- bedroom apartment (because moms always think with their babies in mind), continues to homeschool and shares 50/50 custody of kids with Husband. -Wife is making it and is well on her way toward becoming Ex-Wife. All caught up? Good. So, there are obviously lots of wild details in there that I skipped over. Lots of fights, tears, nights that included several stiff, numbing drinks. So much uncertainty. So much doubt. And terror. Dates, horrible dates, simply to occupy my time and feel wanted, appreciated, listened to, even if it was just an unsuccessful attempt to get in my pants. But also some incredible dates. Dates that have reminded me that I am sexy and desirable. Dates that showed me that I was missing out on experiences. Dates that resulted in all the good feelings I'd forgotten. I've met people in all this time. Lots of great people, odd people, all memorable people. I've talked and people heard me. I've walked with people, laughed with people, danced, hugged and cheered. I've let people in this year in ways that have shocked my core. Anyway, I've lived a whole life this past year. A lot has changed, and I'm elated/heartbroken about it all. Mainly for my boys. Yeah, I deserved better. They deserve the best. All the best. Every BEST thing the world has to offer, and that's simply not what they're getting right now. I have worked my ass off to be where I am now. And I'm nowhere near where I'm headed. Stay Tuned.
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Myspace came onto the scene when I was in high school, just in time to nudge me into the foolishness of plugging in HTML codes to change my backgrounds, meticulously lay out my Top 8 and choose a song that was fitting of my personality back then:: angsty and eager to get out into the world. Then, Facebook. The bain of my college existence. Facebook was EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING was Facebook. Posted about what I was doing, where I was eating, who I was eating with. Oversharing much? Yup. Indeed. Then it became a way to keep up with friends from the several chapters of my life. Colorado life, college connections, Spring Break hookups, people I loved in New York, people I'd loved in general. And virtual garage sale pages… oh, the garage sale pages! Let me buy all the things! But first, we haggle! I’ve since migrated over to Instagram where I bombard my followers with pictures of my kids, memes I love, all that good stuff. And the not so good stuff. The stuff that I want to be brutally transparent about. The stuff that makes me cringe, but I know someone out there will relate and, through me, they'll feel less unrelatable. I love social media. I love sharing and connecting. I love, especially in the time of COVID, that we have a means to see each other’s faces and feel bonded. Through it all. The problem is:: I jumped at every ding, swoosh and whistle that notified me that someone had interacted with one of my many profiles. A sudden desperation to snatched up my phone immediately had become all consuming. I yearned for each and every opportunity for contact, good, bad or indifferent. I needed a break. And I took one. For one, glorious four-day window. I turned off all my alerts and just basked in my own existence. I enjoyed time with friends without posting about said time. I ate delicious meals and drank refreshing beer without having to snap a quick photo of them. I went on adventures and didn’t share them with the world. I danced a little. I climbed. I dipped my toes. I played games and talked shit while doing it. And I laughed. Social media didn’t see any of those moments. But I was present in them all. I have since returned to my safe space and posted regularly. But it’s different. I’m different. My notifications are all still turned off. I only engage in that realm when I seek it, not when it inserts itself into my day, interrupting my morning coffee, barging into our afternoon story time, nudging me throughout the life I'm meant to be enjoying. It's better this way. Hey hey hey! Y'all keeping up with Houston Moms? The site is freshly redone and fancified! Go check it out! And while you're there, explore my latest posts! We lost our sweet pup, Hendrix, in January. Through her passing, reflection and introspection has developed. We will always miss her, but the peace we've found in our memories with her has eased the pain. So, I'm a cool mom. If I say it enough, it'll self-actualize, right? I tried something new with my boys:: Yes Day. Fun was had, lessons were learned, memories were made. Read about it. How is it already March already? And why is that such a weird question for me to be asking? I mean, it feels like it's been the looooonnnnggest year ever, but it also feels like we're still adjusting to the changes of LAST March. Whew! Recent Posts My latest blog for Houston Moms... Well, I had a ton of fun with this one. Why can't self-love also mean making love to yourself? As far as I'm concerned, it does, and I have no shame about it. Got a tad bit risque (by Houston Moms standards at least) while I shared the importance and necessity of exploring our own bodies. Can we just make masturbation, as women, as wives, as mothers, normal already??? Also, I recently got a new tattoo to commemorate my 33rd birthday, and the meaning and vibes behind it have given me a fresh attitude for this new year of life. Anyone else need some positivity and light this year? Yeah, ditto! Reacquainted Through Black Excellence After 15 long years, I reconnected with one of my first childhood besties! Jay and I go way back to third grade! There was a long gap in our friendship when he moved away, but we reconnected on the last day of my high school senior year. Then life, adulthood and all that jazz created another gap. But we had an AMAZING opportunity to touch bases again a couple weeks ago! Jay had decided celebrate Black History Month by doing something that needs to be done much more often:: Elevating Black Voices. He began by reaching out to Black people he'd had the honor of connecting with over the years. Family members, colleagues, close friends, old friends. Each Friday of February, he has shared the conversations he's had had with each person. The chats shed light on each person's upbringing, how race has come into play in their lives, and what the "Black experience" has looked like for them. When Jay contacted me and asked we could discuss some of my views, the opportunity exhilarated me! We discussed my experiences growing up with a troubled mother, some of my struggles raising biracial children, and what I've learned through motherhood! Having the chance to catch with an old friend was enough to fill my cup for days on end, but being able to voice my struggle, conflicts and concerns as a Black woman allowed my cup brim and overflow. Thank you, Jay, for sharing my perspectives and being such an incredible sounding board! Our discussion was everything, and I appreciate you eagerness to share and uplift! Hope you enjoy all the content! Happy day! "Every writer I know has trouble writing.” ~Joseph Heller Man, I haven't had the creative juices to write much lately, but the few things I've managed to punch out for Houston Moms Blog lately are not too shabby. Honestly, they were literally all I could muster! YIKES! In November, I wrote about some of my favorite things, the things that are keeping me sane, some must-haves that I think everyone should check out! You're welcome! For the Christmas season, I wrote about my family's tradition:: NOT doing the whole Santa thing. Find out our reasons and how our traditions still keep the holiday spirit alive and well! When push comes to shove, this really is my thing. Writing gives me all the feels. Writers' Block is a true testament to my status as a writer. I'm cool with it for now! Toodles. In September, I celebrated International Podcast Day by posting a list of great podcasts to try out! Check it out here, and let me know what you think!
I also chronicled some of my experienced as a full-fledged homeschool teacher in my most recent post here! I know I'm not alone in this struggle, and for those of you who are having a hard time or need some resources, I've got you! Sending so much love to you all! Enjoy! Recently had a discussion with my husband about the differences between being rich and having wealth.
Naturally, I used “Hamilton” as the jumping off point. We discussed how neither of us could readily think of any non-white families with generational wealth. We could immediately think of the Koch brothers, the Waltons and the Rockefellers. White. Wealth. Not "hood rich." I hate that term, but it's a thing. I'm not talking about frivolous bling, fancy cars, things. I mean investments, assets, college funds. I mean stability. There are Black or Brown people that would be our version of the Schuyler Sisters... No examples of “heir(ess) of the *Blank* Family fortune,” or “(S)he married into the affluent *Blank* family.” Wonder why that is ... The drive is there. The passion is there. The intelligence, forward-thinking attitudes are there. The barriers, the ones some people don't want to acknowledge, are there. A.J. and I are working toward setting the foundation for our boys, the stepping stones. May it start with us. A.J. and I came from families that didn't have much. Both of us grew up with single mothers who did their best, and we are appreciative. But, their best didn't set us up comfortably. Their best didn't give us freedom from debt as young adults. Their best didn't shield us from a struggle. We made it. We overcame. We live better now than what was a reality when we were kids. As an interracial couple, our motivators can be a bit different. My husband tends to aim toward simply being a provider, taking care of us, giving his children what he never had. I want the same, of course, but part of my motivation is selfish. I want to be that wealthy, affluent, brown family. I want more for my beautiful biracial boys. I want a legacy! May our boys be the start. The Black Brothers! May their children and their children’s children be part of a strong legacy of growth, wealth, prosperity and strength. The work has begun. The world can adjust itself accordingly. This is a bit of a piggyback on my latest post for Houston Moms Blog, "The Confessions of a {Wannabe} Bossmama. Read it. Think about it. And realize that it's ok to take it all in stride. This morning, I woke up with a giggle. Ear infection and all, I managed to giggle. Because I woke up with zero fucks. Because, I remembered that, no matter how much I plan, how deliberate I am with my choices, life is going to do what it does. Sometimes, it's ok to go with the current instead of ALWAYS trying to swim upstream. 2020 will always, not-so-fondly be "The Unplannable Year" for me. Everything I'd expected for the year went right out the window. No one expected a pandemic. No one expected this chaos. No one expected schools shutting down, some starting back up, some not, some local business shutting its doors for good. And all the Etc, Etc, Etc, that has come with this year. It has all caused my anxiety to blast through the roof {thank goodness for CBD oil... it has been a saving-grace}, but I'm starting to realize, no matter how fervently I try to control all the things, it just might not work out... and I'll be ok. I can reroute, reevaluate, reassess, reprogram, redo. I can think ahead. I can solidify future goals. I can set myself and my family up to make moves down the line. Silver lining:: I get to plan some more! Double whammy planning! {I'm trying, everything has an upside, right?} The God I know has quite the sense of humor, and often knows what I need and when I'm ready for it. If need be, God gives me a 2020 as a solid hip check, a reminder that my plans might not be my current destiny. My attention may just be needed elsewhere. *shrugs* I see you, God. Trying to be creative during a time like this seems virtually {word of the year right there} impossible. 2020 has taken Writer's Block to a whole new level. Writing anything worth reading for Houston Moms Blog has been tough enough, but writing for this page, just to vent, explore or share has stressed me to the max. I'm sorry. I wish I could find a way to share more consistently, but I am not only on the Struggle Bus, I am driving it down Struggle Street while eating a Struggle Sandwich! But, I'm thankful for those of you who read my work and look forward to what I do share! I love you, and I appreciate you! Last month, I was able to confess some of my current struggles with the HMB community! Check it out here, and remind yourself that, 1) you're not alone and 2) you deserve some grace! Hoping to still feel comfortable calling myself a writer by the time the year ends! ;) Since its release on Disney+ on July 3rd, I'm pretty sure I've watched Hamilton about 20 times, and the soundtrack is on constant repeat. It was not due to be released in theaters until October 15, 2021. But thankfully, because of the pandemic and all of us losing our sanity, the powers that be decided the world needed Hamilton now!!!! When I tell you my boys and are are OBSESSED with Hamilton, that doesn't even fully put it into perspective! My boys are learning the songs, picking up a few dance moves, and each has their favorite characters to whom they gravitate. I absolutely adore that my oldest, Oliver, relates to Marquis De Lafayette because, "he has hair like mine!" Oliver used to have big curly hair, but as he's gotten older, we've cut it quite a bit, and now he's rockin' a mohawk! But now, he's considering growing it out again, mainly because he adores Daveed Diggs' look! AWWWWW! Anyway, Hamilton has become a way of life for us. I've been tuning my singing voice to enjoy sing-a-longs with my babies, and I've brushed off my dancing skills. I remember when I was a kid, I loved to dance, but I quit... because my body issues came into play. Not to get into too many details, I was muscular and short, and I just didn't fit in with the tall, lean white girls I danced with... But that's a whole other thing... a whole, deep, still sore thing. I'm in love with the fact that my children are growing up in a world where both female and male theatrical singers and dancers are cool, and they look like all of us. They are diverse and incredible! And so dang talented! And OMG the music! Y'all! Where has this music been all my life! I have a creative, brain-crush on Lin-Manuel Miranda! The way he laces everything together, his subtle artist liberties and his homage to so many hip-hop influences... goodness! His brilliance straight up inspires me to be a better writer and really explore my mind and use of words. Words are everything. Everything. And I love his choices when it comes to Hamilton. Who knew historical musicals could be soooooo much fun?! I do have to point out something interesting that my husband made me think about:: He, innocuously, pointed out, "Wow, none of the main characters are white. They're ALL in the background." I responded, "Yeah. I know. But how often to do watch movies or TV shows and say, 'Oh wow, none of the main characters are of color'? How often does it come to your attention that all the people of color are in the background?" We need to think about things like this. Seriously. Anyway, Hamilton has fully infiltrated our home! My husband and I decided to name our Fantasy Football teams "The Schuyler Blizters" and "Talk Less, Score More." Oliver wants Hamilton decor in his room now! Etsy has some amazing printables that I plan to get for him. Maverick is singing ALL of the songs... constantly! {He's so stinking cute, but he's starting to make me tired of the songs!} Reeve, while playing Legos, made his guy say "I will kill your friends and family" to a GI Joe... *facepalm* I joined the #Ham4Change live fundraising event in August to support the original cast's efforts toward social justice and reform. The resources and information were amazing, but the butterflies in my stomach seeing my favorite characters' faces on my computer screen made my whole life/ Ok, I'm exaggerating, but still. I even asked Hubby if I could pay extra to do a live chat with Daveed Diggs ('cause he's talentedly and brilliantly dreamy) or Renee' Elise Goldberry ('cause I her love! Her voice, her beauty, her vibe, the fact that I want her to adopt me... NBD). He wondered how much it would cost... I mumbled, "$195..." Needless to say, he was shocked but was still willing to hear more. "How long do you get to talk to either of them?" I eagerly blurted out, "One whole minute!" The side eye was real... real intense! I knew he wouldn't be on board for all that. I mean, that is an obscene amount of money for a 60-second chat, but I believe in making those "big asks" from time to time! :) It was a no-go, but I was happy with being a part of the live stream, nonetheless! Clearly, we have eagerly gulped down the proverbial Kool-Aid that is Hamilton! I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed anything this much and for so long! It's starting to get a little old, hearing the songs on repeat, thanks to my kiddos, but it could be worse. They could be fans of Caillou or Spongebob... So there's that! Enjoying being #HamilFans and raising #HamilKids! I know, I've been a little MIA lately, but I'm trying! This whole pandemic, figuring out school, what's next, are people going back to work? chaos has been wearing me out, and it has been harder than ever to write or find something to write about. Coronavirus, homeschooling vs. Virtual vs. In-Person, being bored at home, etc. Ain't nobody got time to read any more of that. We're all worn out! Instead, I decided to celebrate International Friendship Day (July 30th) by exploring one of my favorite show, The Golden Girls. And as fate would have it, July 30th was also Golden Girls Day! OMG YAY!!!! (I honestly didn't even know that was a thing, but what an amazingly serendipitous coincidence!) Check out my post here, and even though we've past July 30th, take some time to celebrate your tribe of dear friends! I have been hard at work for Houston Moms Blog! I seriously could not have asked for a better platform to share my experiences and learn from other incredibly talented mom-writers!
I recently shared a post that is all about sleep! We're all stressed and feeling tense all day, and it's no wonder we are having a hard time winding down and getting a good night's rest! Read my tips here that will help you settle down and let go of the weight of the day! I also get real open and honest about my marriage in my post this month. Truthfully, my marriage has been struggling. Like, STRUGGLING. But, a pandemic has a way of forcing you to sort through your mess and embrace your spouse. Read about how COVID-19, in all of its destruction, actually saved my marriage. I'm all about sharing what I know... and I know wine! If you love wine like I do, check out @scoutandcellar on the 'Gram! A good friend of mine, Jonnie, sells Scout and Cellar wines, and she completely turned me on to the products! Here's everything you need to know about my new fave and how to get you some! (CHECK OUT THE FACTS!) I love the convenience of having wine sent directly to my home, and the variety is unbeatable! YUM! And in this age of driveway drinking and Truly's low calorie cans, Cellar & Scout has sparkling drinks in a can that rivals Truly and White Claw (and they taste EVEN BETTER!)
Ask me about Scout & Cellar, and I'll point you in the right direction! 2020, thus far, has been that annoyingly drunk guy at a party who keeps knocking drinks over, vomiting all over your couch, punching holes into walls, causing drama and hysterically begging someone to make a Taco Bell run. Straight-up disaster, and we cant get him to leave. Luckily, so many of us (moms, especially), have learned all about making something out of nothing in these recent months. We've learned to make do. We've learned more about who we are. Here's what I've learned: Balance has been the name of the game. We can't do it all, and we've all been reminded of this. We've needed to take care of what's necessary... and nothing else! I've had the joy of skipping a Zoom meeting, because it just was not important that day. I've skipped a shower or two, because it was not high on the priority list. Keeping my mind right, creating stability for my children, supporting my husband. Those things come first. We're not all teachers, and that's ok! Homeschooling has been far from flawless. Workbooks, flash cards and activities are one thing; all these apps and logins and assignments from school have been overwhelming, to say the least! I've lost my cool a few times. I was not ready for all this. No one was. So I don't feel bad. I am my biggest critic, and I need to shut up and roll with it! We're are all capable of doing big things, but we are also deserving of a little grace! Nothing about the world is perfect right now, and we certainly should not expect perfection from ourselves. We plan and plan and plan for how we want things to be, but it doesn't always happen that way. Deal with it. So I didn't fold all of the laundry today. So my kids are having a bit more screen time now more than ever. So I have cheated a little on my fasting. Girl, try again tomorrow and hush up! We're all just trying to keep it together and manage the chaos right now! Little moments = Big love! I have had significantly more time with my kids. Doing simple crafts, taking bike rides, making worm obstacle courses. Small things have turned into my children's "favorite days ever!" They probably won't remember all the chaos of the world, who Dr. Fauci is or the meaning of the word "pandemic." They will remember all of these moments. They will remember the fun we've had, the adventures we've taken and love that was shared. And our children are always watching. Team work really does make the dream work. 'Nuff said! Never underestimate the power of inner peace! Y'all, outside sources will often bring you down, stomp on you and crush your spirit... if you let them. Finding ways to keep yourself grounded and sane is crucial. Counseling and writing (and, sometimes wine and TikTok) have been my sanctuary over the past few months. They are my zone, my happy place, my peace. With them, I find some solace and can free myself of my anxieties. Find your place and find some peace. One little nugget of sunshine I found on Pinterest that not occupies our hallway message board and my heart says, " Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows." Let that sit inside your soul. Really, this has been a good regrouping experience. My husband and I have become a more solid team, an abundance of memories have been made, and in the midst of uncertainty, I am more than certain that my family will come out of all this stronger than ever (if my boys can just stop pestering each other...). Be well and learn something. Ever need a change of pace? A new attitude? Look no further than the top of your head!
I have no problem admitting that I was in a bit of a rut recently. A mental breakdown, it you will. A little bit derpressed, quite a bit anxious and exponentially lost. And everything was crashing down on me... Kids. Husband. Personal goals. Financial goals. Life. So, hair. I'm a firm believer that hair changes everything. New wig? New lease on life! Fresh weave? Fresh attitude! Oh, the power of hair. I cut mine. All of mine. Well, not all of it, but clippers were used, and it is SHORT! And it did it myself! Let me explain the method to my madness: I had an urge to do something new, and I had to do it immediately. I couldn't let the feeling pass me by. I took scissors and an electric razor to my head in an attempt to step out of comfort and back into life. I found trust in myself that I had lost touch with years ago. My hair fell from my head in clumps and strands; I was searching for a small glimmer of confidence. I guess you could say I took the "fake it til you make it" approach. Forcing myself to rock a demandingly confident new haircut gave me a solid shove in the right direction. I think my hair is perfect for whatever comes next. I'm ready to take it all on. A whole lot going on in the world, and HMB has you covered for a bit of insight, relief and support!
I recently did a post titled "Fitting Out: MOPS and the Nonreligious Mama." It delves into what it's like to not follow a specific faith, but find solace in a faith-based moms group! My most recent post, "Netflix and 'Shelter in Place': Shows for the Socially Distanced," is a simple guide of fun TV rabbit holes you can go into with all this spare time at home! Enjoy! It's been a minute, I know. And so much had happened over the course of a few weeks. So let's recap. Spring Break. COVID-19. Cancellation of the Houston Rodeo and the highly anticipated Lizzo concert. School closures until (at least) April 13. Stock market insanity. Layoffs. Toilet paper panic. Social distancing. Zoom meetings. Homeschooling. Uncertainty. It's a lot. We all feel it. It's heavy. None of us were prepared for this, and many of us don't know how to handle it. It's seems chaotic. There is a cloud of uncertainty hovering above us. But look at us, surviving and shit! Hanging on by a thread, but hanging on nonetheless. As isolating and lonely (and intensely overwhelming) as all this can be, we are essentially in this together. We are trying our best to keep the spread of the Coronavirus to a minimum and maintain a shred of normalcy. Sure, we may be consuming more Disney+ (namely, Frozen 2) and Teddy Grahams than usual, but we're keeping our hands clean and staying 6 ft apart. I know some folks are juggling working from home and trying to keep their kids' minds active during this hiatus from school. It's tough. I, personally, have been slapped in the face with the reminder that I am simply incapable for being a full-time homeschooling mama! My grandiose dreams of a bustling, loving home-classroom with my enthusiastic children eager to hear what I prepared to teach them have been shot down. And chopped up. And buried in a deep grave. They aren't having it. But, I keep trying. Every day. I try. Tough times don't last, tough people do. And we don't even have to be that tough! I know it can feel like we've got it bad, staying home with our kids and all. (HAHAHA!) But we can do this. Turn off the news for a while and breathe. Have a second glass of wine, regardless of what time it is, and give yourself a moment to cope. Browse TikTok (beware, you will get sucked in!), stay active and find joy. One thing to be certain of: YOU CAN DO THIS! I really didn't know I was missing anything. I didn't notice the void in my life. I wasn't aware of my emptiness.
I genuinely thought I had a whole support team figured out. I have best friends in Denver, college buddies and sorority sisters in Oklahoma City, family in North Carolina, neighbors down the street... I have people. I have a circle. But there's a difference between a "circle" and a "tribe." To me, a tribe is: People with a "come as you are" mentality. People who get me. People who make time, convenient or not. People who drink a little and cuss a little more. People who share nothing or everything in common with me, but they manage to make me feel whole either way. People who build me up, keep me sane. It recently became apparent to me that I was in need of a tribe. And I found it. I started reading posts on Houston Moms Blog in 2017 when we moved to Houston/ Katy, and these mom contributors said so much of what I was thinking, had insights to experiences I need help managing and prepared me for what may come next in my journey of motherhood. They are EVERYTHING! In December, when I was chosen to be a new contributor for HMB, I was obviously overjoyed to share my perspectives with other moms, but more importantly, I was DYING to meet these women! We had a retreat a couple weeks back, and my wish came true. And it was all that and the entire bag of chips! The other women welcomed me and made me feel like I was home, a home I had not ever felt. Hiking, eating, car troubles (that were worked out, thank goodness), drinking, lots of info, no kids, long talks, more drinking, dirty jokes, amazing house in the middle of nowhere, deep talks, campfire, hot tub, "favorite things", brainstorming, indiscriminately eating, swapping stories, bunk beds, photo ops, loads of laughs, wi-fi issues, a little more drinking, real hugs, social media 101, positive energy and great company... Let's not forget the random "How often do you and your husband have sex?" question I stumbled into on the first night! My answer of 4-5 times per week (on a good week) shocked and amazed my fellow contributors, and I'm pretty sure they think my husband and I are straight-up animals! Nevertheless, I found my tribe. Each woman came into the house with a story and a background. A mix of ethnicities, marital statuses, number and ages of kids, the whole bit. All different. Insanely alike where it counts. These women inspire me to be a better writer, mother and person. And they all set the bar so high, which is exactly what I need in a tribe. When the weekend came to a close, I was genuinely sad to say goodbye. It was like the end of summer camp, where you hope everyone keeps in touch and you worry things won't be the same next time everyone got together. The chapter of our fun, carefree weekend had closed, and it was time to go back to real life. But nothing has changed since that weekend. This posse of pure motherhood strength and brilliance has been connected ever since. Planning a night out to the Lizzo concert, supporting each other's posts, debating hot topics, anxiously awaiting head shot day, sharing bath tub pics as we try to unwind. Same silly chatter, same laughs, same love. I was looking for these people before I even realized it. I found them, and they see me. I didn't know what I was missing until I had it. The Super Bowl LIV Halftime Show sparked a ton of discussion! Whether you loved it or hated it or are somewhere in the middle, Jennifer Lopez and Shakira put on quite a performance. I was in awe of Shakira's range of talents and J-Lo's incredible physique and dance skills. But I was not a huge fan of what I perceived to be overt sexualization on Primetime TV. It was a bit "much." I expected a lot of hip action and gyrating, but I saw some of it as a little explicit, and I didn't think it was appropriate for my kids to watch. J-Lo showed off the moves she mastered in her latest R-rated movie, "Hustlers," right there on our screens, and the many crotch and bent over booty shots were not what I expected. It wasn't the clothes or the dancing; it was a combination of both that was more risque' than I expected. Now, I have to clarify: I simply was not 100% comfortable with what I saw on this specific platform: the Super Bowl with my kids watching. I'm no prude. If this were Girls' Night in Vegas, a concert where my kids wouldn't be, a nightclub or something like that, do your thang! Hell, I'll do it with you! But it wasn't one of those places. That was my problem. It wasn't what I considered appropriate for my boys to see while I'm trying my best to raise them not objectify women, to have realistic views of beauty, to see more than hot bodies, to appreciate modesty. It wasn't appropriate for any girls who are trying to understand that being body positive does not have to mean being provocative and struggling with the unrealistic and virtually unattainable expectations the world puts on them. I made the mistake, when debating this topic, in saying that if young girls emulate this kind of dress and behavior out in the world (without the luxury of bodyguards afforded to people like celebrities), sadly, they often become attractive targets for predators, without clarifying my views. It's not ok, but it happens. I would love for men to change their behavior and not gawk or catcall women or go as far as to pounce on and attack a woman they find sexy, but since the history of forever, there are men out there who are straight trash. It IS NOT the responsibility of women to change their behavior to avoid sexual violence or abuse, but IT IS in our best interest to be careful. Which is why we avoid dark alleys, avoid passing out drunk, we stick together, etc, etc, etc. It's not right, but, unfortunately, it's real. And until there is a consensus among men, the justice system, lawmakers and society in general, we are always at risk. So we do what we can in an attempt to avoid being victims. Back to the Super Bowl: Provocative or not, it truly was a remarkable display of Latin flavor, fitting for a Super Bowl in Miami, and those women were killin' it. Period. Moving on. I do have one issue that I can quickly move past. One VERY BIG issue. In response to criticism of the performance, many are quick to point out that these dynamic divas were simply exposing the American public to dance moves with traditional Colombian and Puerto Rican roots. The expression of culture should not be critiqued, but instead, celebrated and embraced. Ok. I get that. Although I didn't think this particular cultural display was family-friendly and appropriate for the Super Bowl by any means, I understood and respected those parts of the performance. Very tribal and vibrant, beautiful choreographed and a great message. Any chance to celebrate one's culture is a beautiful thing, and I see why people have embraced the artistic expression. But does that mindset equally reach across all cultures. Not at all. Black culture is not so readily accepted, still. First off, black culture is hard to pin down. It has been appropriated, reshaped, erased and resurrected as something new. But some things are forever. Take our hair. The hair that grows from our scalps. It is not always accepted. Natural hair, in all of its glory, is so often viewed as unkempt or unprofessional. We style it in cornrows to protect it from breakage and the elements and the style is seen as "hood" or ghetto. We express our heritage with an afro or locks, and somehow, it's not ok. We hear story after story about black people being chastised or disciplined for their hair. Many of us opt for relaxers, weaves and wigs to avoid any issues. We all heard people making snide comments about First Lady Michelle Obama's "thickness" and muscular arms. As a black woman, that's just who she is. But, somehow, it was unacceptable and unattractive. Thick thighs, fuller lips and large backsides are a cultural trait... but they're only (mainstream) appealing on Kardashians. Darker skin is still not fully "in." Beautiful, dark skinned women, like Lupita Nyong'o have been embraced as what seems to be "the exception" instead of "the rule." Our skin is culture... Does everyone love it? Many dance moves, like twerking, originate from African culture and are viewed as obscene and provocative: the cultural roots don't spare moves like this from being deemed inappropriate. Let Lizzo twerk on the Super Bowl Halftime show (yes, I would still find it inappropriate. Don't start with me), and there would be no cultural chatter. It would just be inappropriate. I'm just sayin'. Looking back in history, our music, artistry and dialects were either stripped away and erased or made into something new to benefit someone else. Appropriation is real, and the list goes on and on about the trends that are acceptable for some and not for us. We are not cultural acceptable. “To be African American is to be African without memory and American without privilege.” —Dr. Pace Thanks, Dr. Pace. Now I get it. We have a connection to our culture without being able to authentically hold it dear to us, but we're denied the grain of salt allotted to embrace what may seem perverse or crude as simply culture. While I applaud J-Lo and Shakira's performance for the mere fact that it was authentic and culturally dynamic, I struggle with a twinge of jealousy... can black folks, in all of our shades, curves, moves and styles, get some love too? I posted a piece this month to help mamas keep in mind that parenting is really about the long haul, the endgame. Parenting with Intention:: It's All About the Endgame really delves into the importance of raising capable children who will become capable adults. Check out my post and the other phenomenal posts shared! Such a wealth of knowledge!
Last year, I decided I wanted to start focusing on my weight loss goals. I set some rules and some high standards for myself with all the best intentions. Started biking more and going on evening walks with the dogs. No alcohol unless I drank my goal's worth of water. Stuff like that. But, I didn't have a clear goal in mind. I don't necessarily want to see a certain number on the scale (although I am not completely ok with 168 being associated with me and my 5' 4" frame). There isn't really a size I'm seeking either. It's more of a feeling, I guess. My goal is to feel 100% comfortable with what I'm working with. Last summer, I had a couple awesome bathing suits that I loved and liked what I looked like in them. But I wasn't 100%. I have some jeans that hug my curves just right, but I'm not 100%. With the potential of trying to get pregnant one more time in the near future, I need to make some changes now. I've learned that if I start off in better shape, it's easier to get back to a personally acceptable size after baby! And trust me, I have completely come to terms with the fact that my "normal" weight may be different now that before I had kids. Three pregnancies, for most women who are not insanely fitness-focused, often means a little bit extra leftover. I'm cool with that. So, I'm solely driven by a feeling. I want to FEEL awesome in my clothes. I want to FEEL confident in my shape and size, whatever it may be. I want to FEEL strong and healthy. I've decided to make the following changes this year, and so far, it's working!
I want to be at a point where I can actually say, "I honestly like how I look in the mirror AND in pictures," by July of this year. I want to think a lot less about financing a "Mommy Makeover" and whether or not I can justify "under the knife" for cosmetic surgery, because I will have seen some true results from my hard work by then. I'm not expecting a miracle, but feeling good about myself should not take a miracle, right? (In my "Sophia from The Golden Girls" voice) Picture it... My house, 2:54 A.M. I hear mumbling on the monitor coming from my boys' bedroom. I roll over toward it and turn on the camera. I see my youngest sleeping peacefully in his own bed, but my oldest is in bed with my middle son, and they are all smiles. What is that about? I ask, "What are you guys doing?," through the monitor, and they immediately begin to scramble. So, I get up, quietly go into their room and find them hiding under a blanket, sneakily playing a handheld video game I've been secretly trying to get rid of for months. I am pissed. Them having this game meant that they had successfully snuck out of their room and into the junk drawer as they had plotted just before bedtime (I heard the whole thing and scoffed at their poorly thought out plans). They knew better than this! And they interrupted my sleep! My wake up time for my morning workout is rapidly approaching. I am not happy about any of this! So I yelled, took the game and told them to go back to bed. Fast forward to 8:10 A.M. My first grader, Oliver, is, for some reason, working on homework that is not due until Friday, and school starts in ten minutes. I'm rushing him along, and, of course, he has no shoes on, and his backpack isn't ready. I swear, he's constantly surprised by the school-day routine. He's in first grade! We've been through this before! We rush off to school, and it is now 8:18 A.M. Quick kisses, and I practically shove him out of the van. He lollygags his way toward the door until I yell, "RUN!," and he goes into a half-hearted sprint. But... the bell rings as he runs. Here's the thing: There are teachers who man the side door to his school. They close it when the bell rings. Now, my son is definitely visible to these teachers as he runs toward the door. But, they close it and leave him crushed and panicked. Just ten more seconds, he could have made it. But instead, he is shocked and confused as to what to do next. I, of course, am waiting to make sure he gets into the building, and when I see he hasn't, I call him back and calm him down. Because he didn't make it in time, I have to drive to the front of the school and drop him there. As fate would have it, this is the ONE DAY in the year and a half that my child has been in school that I am not dressed. I'm in a short bathrobe, no makeup, hair a mess. When my seven year old refuses to run through the front doors alone for fear that he won't be let in without a parent, I whip the van around and head home to put on decent attire (duh. Yoga pants. I'm basic). I finally get my son to school and try to give him a proper send-off, although I am fuming about everything. The early morning shenanigans, my son's unpreparedness in spite of my routine-centric structure in the mornings, the fact that these teachers just shut my kid out when he was clearly trying to catch the door, and my foolish choice to skip making myself presentable before heading out. Spent the rest of the morning pumping caffeine into my body intravenously (not really, but really) and making several failed attempts to mediate (still have two other kids at home so "meditation" today was more like refusing to yell but being forced to keep a watchful eye on my heathens). Anyway, motherhood. Ever see that meme that says, "If I were a Transformer, I'd be Amazon Prime"? That's me to a tee! I love Amazon! The convenience, the ease of access, the fact that everything comes right to my door in a timely manner (most of the time) with two-day shipping for Prime members, most things on the site are competitively priced, Prime membership includes access to shows and movies (OMG, have y'all watched "Fleabag" yet?!?), all of it... Amazon has my heart! (Although there are some tax issues that are constantly swirling around the company, but I don't want to get into all that right now...) What could make it better, right? I'll tell you what!!! An Amazon credit card! Hear me out. We tend to avoid credit cards. Like the plague. BUT, Amazon's credit card gives you cash back, and that can turn into some even better deals! I buy several of our household needs on Amazon, and the expenses are included in our budget. For example, I need batteries. I already have $400 allotted in the budget to pay for half of the month's groceries/ household stuff. Instead of buying them at the grocery store, I make a purchase on Amazon using my credit card. I rack up 5% cashback! My husband and I refuse to carry balances on our credit cards, so I pay of the credit card with the budget money as soon as the purchases are posted! I earned 2,500 Rewards Points this billing cycle which amounts to $25.00 to spend on Amazon! With that, I bought an overnight bag for my upcoming retreat for the Houston Moms Blog! So excited! It's free money! I literally spent money I would already spend, put it on the card and paid it off quickly to avoid interest, and I got a new bag! WIN WIN WIN!! I ALWAYS knew I would become a Delta one day. I adored the Deltas that were so actively involved in my community growing up. I admired their work ethic, the way they commanded a room, and the love each soror possessed for another. But, I was afraid. Pledging a historic Black sorority was terrifying to this awkward Black girl who grew up in a predominately white neighborhood, liked rock, pop and country music, and was constantly accused of "talking white." I didn't fit in. I knew that. But, I wanted so badly to become a Delta. And I did it. Against all odds, I did it. Wasn't always fun, definitely wasn't comfortable, and I sure as hell didn't fit in. But I did it. Because, "Delta Sigma Theta is the only way." On April 16, 2010, my six line sisters and I, S.S. Eccentric, crossed into Delta Land. I am forever grateful to the ultimate sorority for the sisterhood and the bonds I've experienced. We hosted events, I've chaired "Delta Week," we performed in step shows and we WORKED for our chapter. We bonded and grew together, we fought, we laughed, we cried and we grew some more. So many memories. Heart-to-heart conversations with Kara, our ace. Constantly laughing with Jasmine, our deuce, about her shenanigans, and Spring Break in South Padre! Watching our Rock and Tre, Krystal, handle business in her serious and competitive way. Our quad and my link, Trisha, being such a smart mouth that always made me laugh! Cresha, our six and my other link, being supportive through her attitude. Alison, our tail, the only person I knew on our line before we pledged, being such a kind and effortlessly hilarious spirit. And me, the "Oh So Live Five," who let her guard down and was the quiet storm our prophytes knew nothing about... The memories are irreplaceable. Kara, Jasmine, Krystal, Trisha, Cresha and Alison are family now, along with my other 200,000 sisters worldwide. UCO and the Illustrious Iota Omicron chapter are my home. Homecoming is literally one of my favorite time of year (though I haven't been able to attend since moving to Houston), because we get to revisit those memories. Strolling outside the football stadium, laughing and eating, reminiscing... So today, I celebrate the 22 founders of my dear sorority on our 107th Founders Day! I'm thankful that while I was different and didn't fit in, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. allowed itself to become a part of me. OOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOP! Hello, hello, hello! Welcome! I am so excited to embark on this particular journey, ease into the new world and share with my tribe of #BossMamas!
I plan to use this as a portal for all the many facets of my hectic, insane but lovingly laughable life as a Stay-at-home wife and mother, woman with a lot to say and a lot to do, blogger (houstonmomsblog.com), freelancer, etc, etc, etc. Together, we will explore the ins and outs of life, support one another, create, chit chat, grow, discuss, confide, laugh, dig deep and dance (Yes, you're going to dance with me!) I am using this opportunity to write more, since I don't get to do it nearly enough these days, but I am also creating a safe space for myself and women like me. So, let's begin! #BossMama #TeamMom #themotherhood |
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